Monday May 11th 2020 - personal thoughts

Sheri won't even acknowledge I exist anymore.  That's how bad it has gotten between her and I.  I still love her to death, always will, cried about her today.  She hates and despises me now because of what I have written, done and said to her.  I have been trying for 2 years now to get her to talk to me, I have tried begging, pleading, bribes and threats to no avail.  She broke down once in March of 2019 and I immediately seized advantage of it, basically telling her I didn't want to be friends, I wanted her to be my slave.  Well that was the end of that conversation...I have hardened her heart against me so many times I have no one to blame but myself for her loss.  She gave me so many chances and I blew them all.  Problem is, unless I meet someone else who loves me, like Lexis did, I don't know that I will ever get over her.  I am still obsessed with Sheri and how badly I treated her to this day.

Went and saw my parents today for mothers day, my dad is like "its been 4 years, get over it."  My friend Barb, "its four years, you should be over it by now."

I can't get over the fact I threw Sheri away because of my alcoholism.  I just can't get over that loss.

"I was going to spend the rest of my life with you"  Breaks my heart every time I hear those words...

I always chose alcohol over Sheri, almost every single time.  How sick and twisted is that?  Then when I was drunk and manic I would verbally abuse her, either on the phone or through texts and emails.  No wonder she never wants to speak to me again.  I don't blame her, I just feel sorry for myself and my loss.  It's like I never cared about her until she left me, then she left me and I still verbally abused her.  I am a sick twisted perverted fuck.


Some weird stats to share this week about the blog, got a massive hit from China for some reason.