Thursday May 14th 2020

I am desperate for some love, attention and affection.  Not even my ex-girlfriend Rebecca, who is a cripple, will snuggle with me in bed. 

I am so over and done its not funny anymore.

Monday May 11th 2020 - personal thoughts

Sheri won't even acknowledge I exist anymore.  That's how bad it has gotten between her and I.  I still love her to death, always will, cried about her today.  She hates and despises me now because of what I have written, done and said to her.  I have been trying for 2 years now to get her to talk to me, I have tried begging, pleading, bribes and threats to no avail.  She broke down once in March of 2019 and I immediately seized advantage of it, basically telling her I didn't want to be friends, I wanted her to be my slave.  Well that was the end of that conversation...I have hardened her heart against me so many times I have no one to blame but myself for her loss.  She gave me so many chances and I blew them all.  Problem is, unless I meet someone else who loves me, like Lexis did, I don't know that I will ever get over her.  I am still obsessed with Sheri and how badly I treated her to this day.

Went and saw my parents today for mothers day, my dad is like "its been 4 years, get over it."  My friend Barb, "its four years, you should be over it by now."

I can't get over the fact I threw Sheri away because of my alcoholism.  I just can't get over that loss.

"I was going to spend the rest of my life with you"  Breaks my heart every time I hear those words...

I always chose alcohol over Sheri, almost every single time.  How sick and twisted is that?  Then when I was drunk and manic I would verbally abuse her, either on the phone or through texts and emails.  No wonder she never wants to speak to me again.  I don't blame her, I just feel sorry for myself and my loss.  It's like I never cared about her until she left me, then she left me and I still verbally abused her.  I am a sick twisted perverted fuck.


Some weird stats to share this week about the blog, got a massive hit from China for some reason.

Thursday May 7th 2020, Lit'l Bites is open today, thats a great sign!

No idea if Sheri is out of the hospital or not, if she is the running the cart or not, but its open!

Wednesday May 6th 2020 - Lit'l Bites is not open today :(

It's a georgeous sunny day, I need to get out into the garden and do some work!  Sheri's food cart, "Lit'l Bites" in Salem Oregon is not open today which is not a good sign.  She could still be in hospital, she might have gone out of business, I have no idea what is happening with her.  The not knowing is agonizing!

May 4th 2020 - What a day!

First of all, what can I say...I hope to the God almighty that my parents have not found this blog. I am not ready to tell them about www.idrinkpiss.com even though I have told them 90% about it.

Max, my ex-housemate, just showed up at my door looking to pick up some of Laura, another ex-housemate, stuff.  I started balling my eyes out just at the sight of him.  I am a mess.  I might be worse off than I even thought after this last experience with other people.

Just realized I have been discarding the love of women ALL my life in favour of alcohol - especially Sheri

I have been discarding the love of women ALL my life in favour of alcohol - especially Sheri, aka Tasha

"I love alcohol more than women"

How sick and perverted does that sound?

Well guess what, I wrote it and its true to this day, May 4th 2020.

I am a sick, twisted and perverted fuck.

May 3rd 2020 - Lit'l Bites is open today!

I am reduced to being grateful whenever Sheri's cart is open at the BeeHive Station Food Pod in Salem Oregon.  It's as close to Sheri as I am permitted to get.  Now that I know she is in hospital, which makes it worse, I am even more grateful when her cart is open!

Forgiveness

"The idea of forgiveness reflects a culture where people who have been abused are blamed for the difficult experiences they live with as a result of their abuse."

Telling People to Forgive is Gaslighting in Disguise.

“If you ‘let go’ by forgiving, you do not have to hold on to resentment and anger.”

Reading this article has made me realize I need Sheri to forgive me for the emotional and mental abuse she suffered as a result of my alcoholism.  It has also shown me why she refuses to do it.

I am slowly starting to understand why Sheri won't forgive or speak to me as a result of the emotional and mental abuse she suffered as a result of my alcoholism.

She sent back my Christmas card that was covered in four leaf clovers unopened.  The superstitious part of me says that is why she is having so much bad luck this year in 2020.

Some good news for Sheri and some REALLY bad news for Sheri

Sheri is very unlikely to die from being Diagnosed with Covid19 as the above table shows, so she should recover nicely.  My concern is I read being treated for Covid19 in the US costs an average of $75k, how is she going to pay that?  I am worried she is going to go bankrupt, lose her business and her house.  I wish I had paid the house off.

The not knowing is stressful.  I only found out she was in hospital by calling her employee, which I didn't know she had.

Today get news -

Oregon Gov. Kate Brown Extends Lockdown to JULY 6 Despite Ranking 40th on State Coronavirus List with 104 Deaths in State of 4 Million!

July 6th?  Is the Governor insane?  HOW is Sheri going to survive?

Sheri is in hospital with Covid19 - May 1st 2020

Got a text from Sarah, who I spoke to earlier today, Sheri is in hospital with Covid19!

"I work for sherrie I spoke to u earlier today she is in the hospital she has covid 19 I don't know how she is doing they won't tell us anything cus we are not family I'm just trying to keep her business afloat while she's gone"



 

More than just alive, Sheri has an employee and a business line!

Just called and talked to Sarah, Sheri was not there.  So Sheri has an employee running the food cart at BeeHive station and a business line! That would imply she is doing well financially and I don't have to worry about her situation.  That is great news, I couldn't be happier!  If its true...

My mother said to me the other day why didn't you pay off Sheri's house when you bought it?  It's because I thought I was a great investor and could use the money wisely to make more money.  That turned out not to be true...I did however make sure that her monthly mortgage payments were only $400 a month so I put a substantial down payment on her house.  I regret not paying it all off in hindsight but hindsight is 20/20!

I guess the good news is she hasn't blocked my main number yet!  I wonder what she did with my text and voice mail from last night...I hope Sarah didn't read or listen to it...I had no idea Sheri had an employee running Lit'l Bites.  What is Sheri up to?

Here is shot of all time stats of www.idrinkpiss.com on blogger

Sheri is open today May 1st 2020! Yippee Lit'l Bites is still alive!

Very glad to see her back at the BeeHive Pod, don't think she was open on Wednesday or Thursday but she is today!  Still no word from her... :(