October 28th 2020 - Feeling much better today

Had a good cry yesterday and got some good hugs from my mum.  I am still broken hearted over Sheri and probably will be for the rest of my life.  I doubt I will ever get over her, I have too many good memories.  Nobody will ever be able to measure up to her, I will never be as happy as I was with her ever again.  I know I shouldn't say that but deep down I believe it to be true. 

October 27th 2020 - Feeling really depressed today

 I don't have the words to describe how I feel today.  I have this infamous website I totally control, a dog that waits on my every whim and an ex-wife whom I love dearly and won't speak to me.  Today I am feeling well and truly fucked in every sense of the word. 

October 25th 2020

 I don't know why I bother trying.  I'm stubborn I guess, I still want to be pals with Sheri, that's why.  I am broken hearted still after four years and I still can't "get over it."  I never will unless she brings me peace.

I always have to remind myself that what is done is done.

 

October 19th 2020 - Looking at Sheri's pictures makes me cry

It's 8:40am and I am all alone by choice.  Looked at some of my last pictures of Sheri on Google photos, they just make me want to cry so I stopped looking at them.  

Why oh why did I do it.  To stop drinking or so I thought...I am going to write an intro to this blog so it makes a bit more sense...

Welcome to www.idrinkpiss.com, this is the infamous website that used to be the home of "Tasha" the piss drinking queen from 2004-2007.  It is now run and managed as a blog/vlog by her ex-husband, her partner in crime, who produced and starred in all those hundreds of videos with "Tasha," who is really Sheri XXX of XXXX 

She won't even speak to me, gives me no attention at all even after 15 years of marriage and four years being separated and subsequently divorced.  I have done many things with the web site, so right now it is my blog where I share my thoughts with you the public.  I haven't advertised the site at all beyond its own fame and legacy because I don't have anything really profound to share as yet.  

I always thought Sheri and I would be pals for life.  I couldn't believe otherwise, I refused to even contemplate otherwise.  How wrong I was.  She withdrew her attention and now, 4 years later I am still lost without her.  She told me she had to remake herself, build a new life without me in it turns out.  I never dreamed she would do that to me.  So this website is all I have left of her, its all I have of her now.  I still dream that one day that will change.  

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Updated the description of the website, only get 500 characters so had to cut it short.   I have to get a covid19 test and can't work again until I do.  My father is being super cautious around me.  I am getting a test at 3:45pm today, just talked to my doctor and the clinic.

I wanted to get out of work today and what a fuss it has caused.  Now my parents are concerned they have it so don't want to see any of their friends.  I have been barred from work without a clear test, was it all worth it?  We will see.  

I wish more of you would write to me.  I could advertise this site heavily, I have so much behind the scenes photoage I could use.

What I really want is to be pals with Sheri again, I still hope, dream that is possible.  Even a fraction would suffice, a 30 minute call a month, that's it.  She won't do it.  Stubborn woman.  The most stubborn woman I know, sets her mind to something and that's it, no changing her mind.  

Why can't I have some joy in her life?  I want her to share her life with me so I can have some joy in my life for her. 

I asked my friend Barb what brings her joy, I can't remember what she said exactly but it was probably family, friends, something like that.  Nothing brings me joy anymore.  Lexis brought me joy but I lost her to alcohol.  I chose alcohol over Lexis, just like I did Sheri.  I can't make that mistake again with the next woman. 

12:45pm - I treat my dog Banya no better than I treated my wife, Sheri.  Why is that, what is wrong with me? 

3:40pm Sheri brought me much joy.  I want to know that she has blossomed.  I felt I was holding her back from becoming an even more beautiful flower. 

October 4th 2020 - Almost 7am Sunday

It's almost 7am and I am thinking about Sheri again.  I talk to her all the time in my head still and imagine her replying.  I am so glad I have all those audio and video clips of her.  I regret what I did to her, because now she is not even my friend.  I don't know how I screwed that up so badly other than threatening her.  

I abandoned her, I let her go.  I would say to myself "stop stringing her along" I felt I had to let her go.  Now, 4 years later I am still living with that decision.  I'd be ok if she would just talk to me regularly and send me pictures.  I could live with her vicariously! 

October 3rd 2020

They just walked off!  Investigating the garden I suppose, but that was wierd.  Now they are back.   We are on a bike ride, me, Edith and Alison.  Currently in Bowen park, Nanaimo.  

Now I am at Starbucks, alone, Alison has gone off cycling with Edith leaving me to fend for myself.

On the ferry heading home have Alison in tow.  The ferry is not full and is on time, how unusual.