September 19th 2020 - I crave Sheri's attention still

To this day I just wish she would be friends with me.  It's too late for even that now.  I had so many chances to be her friend and I blew them all just like I blew so many chances to continue being her husband.  That seems like a world away now.  I was her husband, lover, best friend, I was her world and she mine.  Until alcohol took me over and I repeatedly told her I loved alcohol more than I loved her.  My ex girlfriend and ex facebook friend Rebecca said that was emotional abuse.  I emotionally abused Sheri to get her to leave me. At the same time it was me letting her go. I abandoned her and she can never forgive me for that.  There are so many reasons I gave her up, because I wanted and felt she deserved to be hugged and held everyday by someone and I hope she has that now.  Because I felt that sexually I couldn't perform anymore.  To this day though still I crave her attention and she continues to deny it to me and likely always will because of what I have done recently, namely pressure her to talk to me and subsequently blew it because she has withdrawn her attention completely.  

I saw this meme today:

Has Sheri written all over it.  It worked with me.  Now I have Barb who craves my attention like Sheri did.  I don't know how to make that relationship work.  I am not attracted to her like I was just over the phone with Sheri.  I imagine a phone relationship with Sheri in my fantasies, I only have to think back to how my last conversation went with her when she screamed and cried at me. I need to listen to that again.