I miss her

That's the bottom line, I miss you Sheri, deeply.  My mother said my writing sounds like a madman.  It's just my thoughts, as scatterbrained as they are.

I'm at my mum and dad's house, the place where it all happened, or a lot of it happened.

I don't understand why she won't talk to me.  After all we went through together the least she can do is talk to me.  I understand she might feel like she hates me now that I have threatened her but she gave me no choice.  I can't respect her decision not to talk to me without understanding why she won't talk to me.

"You're acting like nothing has changed, I should talk to you everyday."
"You're acting like I'm still your wife, that's not true."

"In your mind you're thinking nothing has changed.

"You should have gotten out of that, that, oh my god. My wife may not want to be my wife anymore. I need to do something to show her that I still want her to be my wife.  What would that be Alex?"

"You have to take smaller steps.  The trust has been lost."

"You know what you are you are not understanding?"  "You have to show me that you are the guy I married.  The first time you got me with words.  Unfortunately I am not that same girl, words no longer work for me...You have done this so many times, you have rarely come through.  Why would I think, you need to change how to woo me back.  You should know me well.  Unfortunately you don't.  I want to give you as much time as you need to do this.  I love you, I would fall in love with you again" - July 25th 2016.  "On the other hand, me getting to the breaking point, hate is a strong word, I disliked you so much.  I would hate you.  You are not giving me the time and space to heal."

"I'm still not feeling it Alex."  "You are snarky and say mean things to me."  "You are basically being the same."

I want to be friends like we used to be but she can't do it.

"I see no change at all."  This was after 6 months of trying.

I believe we have an unbreakable bond, she doesn't believe that...

"I lost my best friend a long time ago...it hurts so bad and feels so bad."

That breaks my heart big time.  I feel like a failure for letting her down.