"She's dead"

"She's dead" my mum said to me, "she's not dead" I said, "she's dead to you."  I killed her.  I killed her love for me deliberately and now I'm paying for it.  "You ruined my life" she said to me once.  I didn't ruin her life, I abandoned her, that I did do and I regret it deeply.

What if she doesn't contact me. Then what am I going to do.  I have given her until Monday 1:43pm PST or I have warned I will publish "My Secret" a clip I've never made public before and I will contact another of her friends about her past.  To me this is a no brainer, just talk to me and I won't do it.  But she is so stubborn, once she sets her mind to something she is very hard to bend. 

I let her down.  I was all she had and I let her down.  She has Bill and Billie though.  She loved them and still does I'm sure.  She was used to living alone.  Why won't she talk to me now though, I still don't get it. Why did I let her down?  To quit drinking.  I felt I had to get her to leave me to quit drinking, though to this day I haven't.  I had to get her to leave so she could find someone else better than me.  I said that many times to her.  I still don't understand why she won't talk to me.  Not all couples have to end like this. My mother said you have to respect her decision.  All Sheri has said is its too hard for her, she loved me so much and the pain is too great.  I couldn't be a better man for Sheri and she deserves a better man than I.

My mom said it was weird that we have no relationship at all, not all couples end like that.