I gave up the most beautiful woman in world in favour of alcohol. When she came to visit I used it as an excuse to go on a binge drunk because I knew my parents wouldn't do anything about it.
I lost 420 Bitcoins because I forgot the basic principle of Bitcoin, not your wallet not your keys. I treated Btc-e and QuadrigaCX as banks. I thought two things, one I could help the exchange afloat, which was insane thinking, and secondly I thought it was safe. I kept 100 Bitcoins in QuadrigaCX for three months, I deserved to lose them. It just pains me what kind of life I could have had and the difference I could have made in other peoples lives, including my beautiful wife. I should have protected those Bitcoins and I didn't. I remember thinking in 2011 when I really discovered Bitcoins, that they were like golden eggs. Each one a golden egg. I lost sight of that and had them stolen.
I am also a bad father. I am a bad father to Banya. Though I took him to the park today and he had a great time playing with our neighbours dogs, Suzy and Scout. That was wild to watch.
When I moved to the states with Sheri I moved as an illegal alien which was insane. I was too lazy to want to deal with all the paperwork and hassle. Sheri did when she moved here, she went through all the hoops and I didn't want to deal with that. That was a big mistake. I couldn't work, I couldn't do anything, I could drive. And what did I do while I was there? I just drank every day without fail. I didn't do anything, I sat around and watched porn and movies all day. It's what I do now. I haven't changed. I would get so drunk I couldn't go to the fair with Sheri and her friends Nicole and James. Another thing I did was drink on the way down and got arrested and given a DUI. I never obeyed the terms of the DUI, I didn't want to stop drinking. End result is now I have a arrest warrant out for me and I never paid all the fines they gave me. So I'm screwed in the US. Very likely to be arrested at the border and treated like a terrorist in the US Jail system. So I'm good at making bad choices.
Have to change my life and start making good choices.
I gave up Sheri because I wanted her to have a better life than the one she had with me. I am still a drunk and Sheri put up with it for so long because she loved me so much. If I was drinking then like I am now Sheri would likely still put up with it. I take month breaks and then binge out for 4 or 5 days but nothing like what I did with Sheri. So I'm much better now but still an alcoholic. I lost Lexis because of that.
What am I doing with my life? Alcohol has controlled me for so long and I wanted to set Sheri free of that life. That's what I did. I came back to Canada because I couldn't stop drinking and felt that living with my parents who were more strict than Sheri would stop me drinking. Well that didn't work either. What I don't understand is why they let me drink while Sheri was here. I have this image in my mind of Sheri coming into my office looking for me while I'm at the computer after she just spent nine hours to come and see me and I couldn't even be bothered to come out and greet her. That's how much I took her for granted.
I can't live without you, I can't live without you Baby. Makes me cry.
Sheri wants to know why would I, how could I choose alcohol over her. I had her completely, she would do anything for me and I deliberately hurt her. I did it to make her stronger without me. That's a crazy thought but it's what I believed. Why did I choose alcohol over her? It's hold was so strong and it's allure so great I couldn't resist it.
I am about to be poor for the first time in my life. Oh, I can pull equity of the house lol
I have to kick my ass in gear and get a job. I shaved. That's my progress so far.
Nobodies coming to clean up after me. It's all up to me. No one is coming. I stare at my my gate waiting to see if someone will come over and open the gate, no one ever does. No one is coming, it's up to me.
I'm waiting to hear back from Rob about getting a puppy. I have to go get an application form from Nesters. Got the form, going to have to go to my parents to fill it out.
No comments:
Post a Comment