November 21/22 2021 - What does Sheri want?

What does Sheri want?  She probably wants me to leave her alone, well that's not going to happen.  I keep trying to demand more of her attention and more of her trust, neither of which she wants to give me.  She has said that she doesn't want our relationship to all be about nothing, that it meant something and it did, does, could again.  She also said if nothing else she wants to be friends with me.  I want to be best friends like we were once were and could easily be again if she would allow it.  I know she gave me everything she had to be with me and I still discarded her.  To this day I am not sure why I did that that.  

I did it because I believed it was the only way I would quit alcohol.  Now I am trying to win her back, I must be dreaming, I am, but I can be good friends with her, we have a permanent bond.  Why did I fuck up our marriage and our lives?  Because I am self destructive.  Why I had to take Sheri with me I'll never know.  

This was supposed to be about What does Sheri want and became all about me.  I don't know what Sheri wants, I know she doesn't want me.  I wish she did, but she doesn't anymore.  She has a new garden to tend to now that she built all by herself just like I wanted her to.  Now I want her to just jump gardens?  Am I crazy?  If only I had those Bitcoins, well I don't so get over it.  I can't, it plagues me, could have changed her life.  That was the plan and I fucked it up.  Now I have to rely on charm and I don't have it like I used to anymore. 

What does Sheri want?

I talk to her all the time in my head and imagine what she would say back to me, she is usually right, if not always right.  I wanted her to have a better life and thought she is young and beautiful enough she will find love again.  She hasn't and of course I want her back, its a dream fantasy but I like having it.