September 22nd 2022 - Sheri update and response to posts

When I started writing this blog my goal was to get Sheri back.  Why, because I love her, am obsessed with her and quite frankly don't want anyone else.  I went through Lexis, Barb, Cindy, Colleen, couple of others over the last six years but no one comes close.  The relationship with Lexis was an exciting one cause she is such a hot potato, but in the long run it wouldn't last.

For more than a year, since January 6th 2021, I have been talking to Sheri once a week for about an hour, hour and a half at a time.  That has not stopped.  Well, the dam broke this week and I have been talking to her everyday with video, which is really exciting and makes me feel closer to her.

Why do I say the dam broke?  Because Sheri said she will come visit me and will stay for as long as she wants!!!

Why is she coming?  She is coming to get and feel love from me!!!

Why would she want that???  Because I want to give it to her.

I came up with this plan to quit drinking when I was in treatment and going though the AA program.  I felt that I had to give up that which was most precious to me, Sheri, in order to quit drinking.  At the same time I also planned to win her back. 

My plan was: dump Sheri, quit drinking, win Sheri back.  That's what I honestly thought.  What I didn't think of was I was also abandoning Sheri.  If I had connected the word "abandon" I never would have done it, at least I don't think so. 

Regardless I did it and Sheri left me, but even this did not stop me drinking.  Nope.  It took me losing almost all our remaining Bitcoins to do that.  Condemning me and Sheri to a simple, moderate lifestyle for life.  

I didn't plan on or expect to expose Sheri to the world either, that never crossed my mind back in 2015 when I dreamt up this crazy idea at the "Together We Can" rehab center.  I think another reason I exposed her was because I felt I had no other options, I had nothing left.  She wouldn't speak to me, hadn't for a year and a half, I was desperate and this was a hail mary pass.  She begged me not to do and I did it anyways.  Awful, awful thing to do.  So cruel, callous and uncaring.  I did not imagine the horror and fear that this would put her through and continues to this day.  She still gets mail and messages from freaks who even threaten to harm her.  It's awful what I put her through and I am ashamed of myself for doing it.  Even worse, I didn't take it down for a year.  I even posted her home address for a couple of days until I thought to myself, what, am I insane?

So to answer your question, yes I did publish that, right here on this website.  I didn't contact her dad, or work, or neighbours or the police.  But I did publish it and to this day she still has to live with the repercussions of what I did to her.  I am ashamed of myself, I regret my thoughtless dispassionate action. Maybe I was a sociopath at the time, I'm not anymore.  I'm dry and sober for almost a year now.  Sober for over a year and half and dry for just shy of a year.  My brain is clearing, I take my meds religously daily.  I am a new man.  Literally I am as fat as a pile of shit now and figuratively I feel completely different.  I am different. 

I have had no consequences to my action in exposing Sheri to the world.  Sheri has experienced nothing but terror, fear, shame, embarrassment, mortification, humiliation.  PLEASE STOP DOING IT.  I have experienced none of that, she wants me to feel at least some of what she has gone through.  I have some ideas I can't write about yet so will see.  

I've had lots of help, I've had counsellors, therapists, treatment, pysch wards and drugs, love is the answer.

Sheri and I are going to start a new life together based on respect, listening, love, empathy, compassion and patience.  

My plan was to come full circle and it is happening.  Yin and Yang, Sheri and I are yin and yang, we fit together perfectly.

This story will have a happy ending.