November 24th 2021 - Custody

For some reason I convinced myself that the Bitcoins were safer in Quadriga's hands than my own.  They were in cold storage they said, that was better that hot storage where I had them wasn't it?  I talked myself into it and left a fortune sitting there for three months.  I will never get over it.  I had already lost around 320 and I still hadn't learnt about custody.  Amazing.  I'm still stunned. So first I lose Sheri, deliberately, in June 2016, then I lose the last 100 Bitcoins when Quadriga goes down January 2019 and now here we are today, November 24th 2021. It's 4:12am and I am wide awake.  

I watch Sheri aka Tasha's movies all the time.  It reminds me of what I had and what I gave up thinking it was for the best because I could not fix myself with Sheri.  I am so lucky I still have some outtake videos.  I can't believe at the time we made these videos I did not think to myself we are making history here.  I also deleted at least half if not more of the raw videos that I had.  I remember doing it and thinking the only reason to keep them is to hurt Sheri so I should delete them.  But I kept at least half so I could hurt her if I needed to so why did I delete them in the first place?  I didn't think that one through, delete them all or delete none.  I am grateful I have what I have.  I get to watch them and remember that it's me in those videos with my wife draining my bladder and her servicing my cock completely.  She is a master at drinking my piss.  She would drain my entire bladder just like she would drain my balls and she loved doing it.  At least I thought she did, I am not so sure now.  She sure acted like it in the videos and said it made her wet just from drinking piss.  My piss at that.  She would have drunk some complete strangers piss if I had wanted but I didn't think it was a long term good idea.  She said it made her pussy wet to drink my piss.  It also made her wet to piss on me. 

I fantasize about pissing in her mouth and having her drink it again, only this time in new and more inventive ways that I have learned from watching other people.  In particular anal to drinking piss. That is supremely erotic as I have never done it so it turns me on.  Sheri would have done it no problem, just have to clean out her ass with an enema something I was too lazy to do ever.  I couldn't even be bothered to do it to get her to do ass to mouth, which she would have clearly done.  She even offered I think one time but I was happy just to fuck her ass and cum in her ass every night.  She opened that asshole up to me willingly and eagerly anytime I wanted it.  She even said she prefered anal to pussy. 

I think about the life we could have had together.  If I had gotten a visa and gone to America properly, if I had not drunk and driven.  On and on.  Choices we make in life that affect and scar us forever.  

I said to my Dad yesterday I am never going to get over losing Sheri and I am never going to get over losing 420 Bitcoins.  He said you will never get over it but you have to find a way to live with it.  I hope I can.  

Losing Sheri, well she is still talking to me so that's progress.  She won't text or talk to me everyday which I want but have to respect her boundaries.  I remind myself that not so long ago I told my mum that I would be happy with 30 minutes a month and I get a lot more than that now so I need to be grateful.

Losing the Bitcoins.  Nothing I can do.  Cry, wail, scream, yell, see a grief counselor.  My fault and choice for giving up custody to the entire lot to a shady outfit.  My dad warned me about Quadriga and I ignored him.  It was almost as if I wanted to be robbed and was setting myself up to be robbed. Why I had to take Sheri with me I will never understand or forgive myself.  

Sheri will never forgive me for exposing her and making her expose herself.  I bet she never felt such shame.  Why she did it rather than just talk to me I will never understand.  It must have made her stronger though, tougher, which is a big part of the reason she is so tough with me now. 

Sheri would have done idrinkpiss.com forever.  It was me that stopped it, I didn't want to do it anymore. I had been a pirate, was worried about getting sued or taken to court in any way and felt the best thing to do was shut it down and make it all go away.  Had tax problems, still do, haven't filed them for years. 

In one of Sheri's clips, "Esmerelda" I say to Sheri something like "You do make fantasies and dreams come true" and she says "That's what I'm good for."  She also says in the clip that I am going to be pissing in mouths a lot more in my future, well that never came true.  I didn't piss her mouth once we stopped making clips in 2007 until the summer of 2015.  Then I made two clips of Sheri with me pissing in her mouth that I still have.  Why did I stop pissing in her mouth?  I could have pissed in her mouth any time I wanted in that time.  I could have made tons of videos of me pissing in Sheri's mouth over that time period, why did I stop doing it?  Well couple of reasons.  One I felt she had done enough, she didn't need to prove her love, loyalty, devotion and submissiveness to me anymore.  Secondly I respected her too much to keep pissing her mouth and having her drink it for me to keep doing it.

I was supposed to be her knight in shining armour and I would have been, that was the plan.  Why didn't I stick to the plan? 

Over 2 years later, after losing the last 100 Bitcoins on top of the 320 I had already lost, I finally today understand what Bitcoin custody means.